fatfantom
Starting Weight: 277.4 (1/5/08).......Current Weight: 273.0 (2/21/08)
I HAVE NO EXCUSES
It has been way too long since my last entry. I'm sure you can guess why - I haven't been doing anything as far as health and good eating goes.
Why did I fall off track? I can tell you exactly why! Around January 7th, I got sick. When I get sick, I don't care about anything because I'm feeling miserable. So the first week and a half of being sick, I actually didn't eat much of anything. However, as I was slowly recovering... I didn't pay attention to what got shoved in my mouth. And that has gone on straight through today.
Thursday night, Husband and I went to dinner and we shared a calamari appetizer (breaded), I ordered clam strips (breaded), that came with clam chowder and fries. I did actually change the fries to salad... but only because I also knew I'd be eating some bread.
Last night, we got stoned and got the munchies. I was craving some Pizza Combos like crazy... so we went the few blocks to our local Walgreens, and whilst getting Pizza Combos, we also got a bag of BK Flame Broiled Potato Chips, some Lime & Chile Almonds, I got a Coke and a Cactus Cooler (Pineapple-Orange soda). We got two frozen Tombstone pizzas (only at one), some chocolate covered cherries, and some Good 'N' Plenty.
Yeah. That was a stoner run if ever there was one!
This morning wasn't any better. Breakfast consisted of a bagel and cream cheese (carbs) and a Ventie Starbucks Frappuccino (with whipped cream and chocolate syrup drizzle). Lunch was a large deli sandwich (more carbs), a cup of cheddar-broccoli-potato soup (carbs), and a huge bottle of Orangina (orange juice soda - carbs).
I've been feeling lethargic and tired and lazy... and I'm 90% sure it's from the poor eating... not from recovering from a bad, bad flu.
Then today, Husband and I were watching PBS. There's a show on there we'd never seen until today, hosted by Alan Alda, called Scientific American Frontiers. The first one we caught was about "Memory" and it was fascinating. Another one came on after that, and it was about weight loss. They took a group of 12 overweight individuals, including Alan Alda, gave them camcorders to make video diaries, and they were all trying different things.
Soooooooooo... of course I started feeling mega guilty, and also jealous. Jealous of the people who were able to stick to their new ways of eating for at least 22 weeks (those were the last entries they showed), and had lost like 40 pounds or more! I know that if I'd just stick to eating proteins and vegetables that my weight would come off that way too. I just don't stick with it, dammit! And I need to!
I'd like to say I'm feeling inspired again... or maybe guilty is more accurate... to be better (thank you, Alan Alda). But I feel like if I say that, readers will say, "Yeah, she was inspired a month ago too and look how long that lasted." I worry you say that because that's what I'd say to myself. I don't want to be one of those people that talk and talk and talk, but never do. I want to do. I'm going to try to.
Why did I fall off track? I can tell you exactly why! Around January 7th, I got sick. When I get sick, I don't care about anything because I'm feeling miserable. So the first week and a half of being sick, I actually didn't eat much of anything. However, as I was slowly recovering... I didn't pay attention to what got shoved in my mouth. And that has gone on straight through today.
Thursday night, Husband and I went to dinner and we shared a calamari appetizer (breaded), I ordered clam strips (breaded), that came with clam chowder and fries. I did actually change the fries to salad... but only because I also knew I'd be eating some bread.
Last night, we got stoned and got the munchies. I was craving some Pizza Combos like crazy... so we went the few blocks to our local Walgreens, and whilst getting Pizza Combos, we also got a bag of BK Flame Broiled Potato Chips, some Lime & Chile Almonds, I got a Coke and a Cactus Cooler (Pineapple-Orange soda). We got two frozen Tombstone pizzas (only at one), some chocolate covered cherries, and some Good 'N' Plenty.
Yeah. That was a stoner run if ever there was one!
This morning wasn't any better. Breakfast consisted of a bagel and cream cheese (carbs) and a Ventie Starbucks Frappuccino (with whipped cream and chocolate syrup drizzle). Lunch was a large deli sandwich (more carbs), a cup of cheddar-broccoli-potato soup (carbs), and a huge bottle of Orangina (orange juice soda - carbs).
I've been feeling lethargic and tired and lazy... and I'm 90% sure it's from the poor eating... not from recovering from a bad, bad flu.
Then today, Husband and I were watching PBS. There's a show on there we'd never seen until today, hosted by Alan Alda, called Scientific American Frontiers. The first one we caught was about "Memory" and it was fascinating. Another one came on after that, and it was about weight loss. They took a group of 12 overweight individuals, including Alan Alda, gave them camcorders to make video diaries, and they were all trying different things.
Soooooooooo... of course I started feeling mega guilty, and also jealous. Jealous of the people who were able to stick to their new ways of eating for at least 22 weeks (those were the last entries they showed), and had lost like 40 pounds or more! I know that if I'd just stick to eating proteins and vegetables that my weight would come off that way too. I just don't stick with it, dammit! And I need to!
I'd like to say I'm feeling inspired again... or maybe guilty is more accurate... to be better (thank you, Alan Alda). But I feel like if I say that, readers will say, "Yeah, she was inspired a month ago too and look how long that lasted." I worry you say that because that's what I'd say to myself. I don't want to be one of those people that talk and talk and talk, but never do. I want to do. I'm going to try to.
MOMENTARILY DERAILED & NUTRISYSTEM
I've had some illnesses that I've been dealing with for about a week... so there hasn't been any exercising in a whole week. The eating has gone a bit downhill too. I have had a lot of orange juice (very high in carbs), and I've also had high-carb flour products to help absorb the sour stomach feeling.
So I've definitely exceeded my carb goal, and my blood sugars are very high as well (probably a combination of too many carbs and illness, as illness can raise blood sugar).
But I feel like I'm kinda on my way to recovering today... I even had a large orange juice, then checked my blood sugar (which was almost at 300! holy shit!), and so I didn't finish the rest. I'll be trying to go back to high-protein / low-carb today.
However, you can see in my header statement that I'm still down from the last time... it was 272 something on 1/12 and as of yesterday, I'm at 271.4. So it's not as much as I'd like to have seen lost, but it's some.
I also felt great because I went to the doctor yesterday for my illness issues... and I was down about 6 pounds since last they weighed me, which was 12/31. So that was a good feeling too.
I still want to get those before/after pictures taken. I'm procrastinating. There's some larger furniture in our bedroom that has to be moved so that I have a white-wall background... and there's really no reason that I haven't moved it yet except that I'm partially lazy, and probably partially scared to take the pictures.
I was noticing a lot of commercials on NutriSystem today. I'd looked at it before, did the math, and then decided I didn't need such a thing... it's over-spending for food I could easily do myself. But I'm not a strong-willed person... my will-power is easily swayed. Now, I gotta say, I'm stronger than I was five years ago, easily. But I still have too many weak moments where I say, "Fuck it, let's get Chinese tonight." "Fuck it, I want McDonald's for breakfast." "I just want some Sun Chips. I don't care if I shouldn't have them." That's human nature! But it starts a chain of bad choices for me, and before I know it, I'm back to being bad.
So I got on the NutriSystems webpage again today, to price out meals. If you do it for at least two months straight, with their "auto-delivery" method, it comes to $300 a month. It's four meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert/snack). That's only $2.50 per meal. And if you wanted to go so far as to say, "Well, desserts and snacks don't really count as a meal, so it's really only three meals a day, that's still $3.33 a meal.
I looked at our budget for the last several months. We budget anywhere from $40-60 a week for groceries for two of us. However, we rarely remain within our budget. So if I combined both our groceries and our dining out (yes, I'm a nerd and budget and keep track of where all our spending goes)... it comes out like this:
December - $627.28
November - $681.48
October - $656.79
September - $631.27
August - $693.64
July - $1,237.55 (what the hell happened in July?!)
Yeah. We have a hard time sticking to a food budget. My husband is in fine shape... he's not an over-eater and he's not overweight, really. The last month or two, he's gained a bit of weight, but I think that's more or less a beer belly, and as soon as he puts his mind to losing it, it'll be gone in an instant. Oh, and the amounts listed above don't include money that I'd spend on lunches while at work - whether they were fast food, or just a quick run to the grocery store to grab something. That came out of my "allowance"! So we actually spent even more than all those numbers listed above, simply on food.
Which leads me to think that it really wouldn't hurt us... might even benefit us... if I joined the NutriSystem program! Though we both adore cooking, and are actually very excellent cooks, my husband can easily eat frugaly. If all he had in the freezer were some chicken thighs and Italian sausages, with some veggies in the pantry, he'd be perfectly content. I'm sure if I ate NutriSystem every day, and he ate some meat and veggies, he could easily keep his cost of groceries down to about $20 a week. So $300 a month for NutriSystem, plus $80-100 a month for Husband... would leave our food spending at $400. That's over $200 less than we've spent the last six months. If I'd started this in July... we'd have saved $1200 in food alone.
Interesting. I must run this by him. I like the idea of NutriSystem because it's easy. It's for lazy people. Sure, maybe it's a cop-out... but maybe I need that kind of structure to stay on track? I was looking at the carb content of their food options, to see if I could stay under 50 carbs a day. I think I could, depending on what I selected. Of their breakfast choices, there were a lot of high-carb options (which surprised me, since I was viewing their "diabetes" foods). But they have some things that are a little lower, and they're choices I'd enjoy.
Their lunches and dinner are a bit high in carbs too (if I were to try to stay at my 50g of carbs)... but I could stay at about 60 a day, which is still good. The last nutritionist I saw said to stay under 165g of carbs a day! So even if I did 80 one day... that's half of what is okay. But it blows my mind as a diabetic that I'm looking at all these meal options... and so many of them are full of pasta and rice! It's not like "Chicken Breast with Broccoli and Cheese." It's "Homestyle Chicken & Noodles in a Creamy Gravy". I think I might write them to voice my concern! I'm no nutrtionist, but I've been to enough diabetes nutrition courses that I know this isn't as healthy as it could be.
So here I am thinking, "Okay, if this is what they offer as the Women's Diabetes option, let's see what's listed under the Women's Basic option. EXACT SAME FOODS! Then I look at the Men's Diabetes option - same foods. Men's Basic option - same exact options! Except they get a "Snack" choice too, as well as "Dessert".
So... I dunno. Maybe it wouldn't be worth it. Grrr. I wonder if I could just go buy myself a bunch of cheap disposable "tupperware" containers, and on my days off, just make myself all kinds of meals for the upcoming week!? Make a chicken breast marinara with six breasts and portion it out into six different containers... then I could even buy those Green Giant single-serve veggie packs that are in the freezer (and they're tasty), and voila! There's six meals, all frozen. Then scramble up a butt load of eggs, put them in little freezer containers, sprinkle some shredded cheddar and scallions on top... and voila! Breakfasts for a week! Pop it in the microwave and go!
Okay... that is my new idea. Fuck the NutriSystem thing! (See, maybe just getting this all out in writing helps me think clearer!) I think I'm going to go write down some ideas for this, then run it by the Husband and see what he thinks!
So I've definitely exceeded my carb goal, and my blood sugars are very high as well (probably a combination of too many carbs and illness, as illness can raise blood sugar).
But I feel like I'm kinda on my way to recovering today... I even had a large orange juice, then checked my blood sugar (which was almost at 300! holy shit!), and so I didn't finish the rest. I'll be trying to go back to high-protein / low-carb today.
However, you can see in my header statement that I'm still down from the last time... it was 272 something on 1/12 and as of yesterday, I'm at 271.4. So it's not as much as I'd like to have seen lost, but it's some.
I also felt great because I went to the doctor yesterday for my illness issues... and I was down about 6 pounds since last they weighed me, which was 12/31. So that was a good feeling too.
I still want to get those before/after pictures taken. I'm procrastinating. There's some larger furniture in our bedroom that has to be moved so that I have a white-wall background... and there's really no reason that I haven't moved it yet except that I'm partially lazy, and probably partially scared to take the pictures.
I was noticing a lot of commercials on NutriSystem today. I'd looked at it before, did the math, and then decided I didn't need such a thing... it's over-spending for food I could easily do myself. But I'm not a strong-willed person... my will-power is easily swayed. Now, I gotta say, I'm stronger than I was five years ago, easily. But I still have too many weak moments where I say, "Fuck it, let's get Chinese tonight." "Fuck it, I want McDonald's for breakfast." "I just want some Sun Chips. I don't care if I shouldn't have them." That's human nature! But it starts a chain of bad choices for me, and before I know it, I'm back to being bad.
So I got on the NutriSystems webpage again today, to price out meals. If you do it for at least two months straight, with their "auto-delivery" method, it comes to $300 a month. It's four meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert/snack). That's only $2.50 per meal. And if you wanted to go so far as to say, "Well, desserts and snacks don't really count as a meal, so it's really only three meals a day, that's still $3.33 a meal.
I looked at our budget for the last several months. We budget anywhere from $40-60 a week for groceries for two of us. However, we rarely remain within our budget. So if I combined both our groceries and our dining out (yes, I'm a nerd and budget and keep track of where all our spending goes)... it comes out like this:
December - $627.28
November - $681.48
October - $656.79
September - $631.27
August - $693.64
July - $1,237.55 (what the hell happened in July?!)
Yeah. We have a hard time sticking to a food budget. My husband is in fine shape... he's not an over-eater and he's not overweight, really. The last month or two, he's gained a bit of weight, but I think that's more or less a beer belly, and as soon as he puts his mind to losing it, it'll be gone in an instant. Oh, and the amounts listed above don't include money that I'd spend on lunches while at work - whether they were fast food, or just a quick run to the grocery store to grab something. That came out of my "allowance"! So we actually spent even more than all those numbers listed above, simply on food.
Which leads me to think that it really wouldn't hurt us... might even benefit us... if I joined the NutriSystem program! Though we both adore cooking, and are actually very excellent cooks, my husband can easily eat frugaly. If all he had in the freezer were some chicken thighs and Italian sausages, with some veggies in the pantry, he'd be perfectly content. I'm sure if I ate NutriSystem every day, and he ate some meat and veggies, he could easily keep his cost of groceries down to about $20 a week. So $300 a month for NutriSystem, plus $80-100 a month for Husband... would leave our food spending at $400. That's over $200 less than we've spent the last six months. If I'd started this in July... we'd have saved $1200 in food alone.
Interesting. I must run this by him. I like the idea of NutriSystem because it's easy. It's for lazy people. Sure, maybe it's a cop-out... but maybe I need that kind of structure to stay on track? I was looking at the carb content of their food options, to see if I could stay under 50 carbs a day. I think I could, depending on what I selected. Of their breakfast choices, there were a lot of high-carb options (which surprised me, since I was viewing their "diabetes" foods). But they have some things that are a little lower, and they're choices I'd enjoy.
Their lunches and dinner are a bit high in carbs too (if I were to try to stay at my 50g of carbs)... but I could stay at about 60 a day, which is still good. The last nutritionist I saw said to stay under 165g of carbs a day! So even if I did 80 one day... that's half of what is okay. But it blows my mind as a diabetic that I'm looking at all these meal options... and so many of them are full of pasta and rice! It's not like "Chicken Breast with Broccoli and Cheese." It's "Homestyle Chicken & Noodles in a Creamy Gravy". I think I might write them to voice my concern! I'm no nutrtionist, but I've been to enough diabetes nutrition courses that I know this isn't as healthy as it could be.
So here I am thinking, "Okay, if this is what they offer as the Women's Diabetes option, let's see what's listed under the Women's Basic option. EXACT SAME FOODS! Then I look at the Men's Diabetes option - same foods. Men's Basic option - same exact options! Except they get a "Snack" choice too, as well as "Dessert".
So... I dunno. Maybe it wouldn't be worth it. Grrr. I wonder if I could just go buy myself a bunch of cheap disposable "tupperware" containers, and on my days off, just make myself all kinds of meals for the upcoming week!? Make a chicken breast marinara with six breasts and portion it out into six different containers... then I could even buy those Green Giant single-serve veggie packs that are in the freezer (and they're tasty), and voila! There's six meals, all frozen. Then scramble up a butt load of eggs, put them in little freezer containers, sprinkle some shredded cheddar and scallions on top... and voila! Breakfasts for a week! Pop it in the microwave and go!
Okay... that is my new idea. Fuck the NutriSystem thing! (See, maybe just getting this all out in writing helps me think clearer!) I think I'm going to go write down some ideas for this, then run it by the Husband and see what he thinks!
health I have recently been seeing previews for a show that's on Lifetime called "DietTribe" with five overweight women trying to lose weight together. The most recent preview shows them out celebrating one of their birthdays, drinking beer, eating deep fried food, and then the next day, the trainer has them at a football stadium and tells them they're going to do 3000 steps.
I haven't seen the episode (it might not have even played yet), I'm curious to see how these overweight women do. Of course, it shows them struggling, dragging ass, crawling on hands and knees up the stairs, and I think it shows one woman puke.
I'd been thinking about adding step-climbing to my exercise routine so I could get some cardio in. Right now I'm just doing crunches, leg lifts, and hand weights. It gets my heart rate up a little, but not a whole lot. So after my regular work out with all of the above... I decided to give the stair climbing a try.
There are 15 steps in my house, which means I'd have to go up them 200 times to get to 3000 (that's only going up, not down).
I only got up them ten times (150 steps). Ha! That's only one fifth of those 3000 steps! My heart was about to explode, I was red as red could be, and my breathing was coming fast and hard! It's been about a half hour, maybe more, and my legs are still shaking when I stand. Talk about out of shape! I think I'm going to have to make those stairs a regular exercise with my other stuff and see how well I progress.
I haven't seen the episode (it might not have even played yet), I'm curious to see how these overweight women do. Of course, it shows them struggling, dragging ass, crawling on hands and knees up the stairs, and I think it shows one woman puke.
I'd been thinking about adding step-climbing to my exercise routine so I could get some cardio in. Right now I'm just doing crunches, leg lifts, and hand weights. It gets my heart rate up a little, but not a whole lot. So after my regular work out with all of the above... I decided to give the stair climbing a try.
There are 15 steps in my house, which means I'd have to go up them 200 times to get to 3000 (that's only going up, not down).
I only got up them ten times (150 steps). Ha! That's only one fifth of those 3000 steps! My heart was about to explode, I was red as red could be, and my breathing was coming fast and hard! It's been about a half hour, maybe more, and my legs are still shaking when I stand. Talk about out of shape! I think I'm going to have to make those stairs a regular exercise with my other stuff and see how well I progress.
It's actually been 7 days, but I haven't lost weight in the last two days - I also had a day where I didn't count carbs. I don't know if that upset the loss, but I'm back to the less than 50g of carbs, so I'll see if it starts dropping again.
I had to go buy some new clothes yesterday. Many of my shirts and jeans are just old and starting to have holes wore in them... they're no longer really appropriate for work. So I headed to the mall.
I've never enjoyed clothes shopping. Since I was young, it has been a very unpleasant experience. And yesterday was no exception. I came to a realization that I've probably thought of before, but then ignored because it's hard to accept:
I've never actually dressed the way I'd like to. Never been able to express my personal style.
Why? Because either they don't make clothes I'd like in my size... or if they do, they don't look good on fat women and so they shouldn't make them in my size. I don't even know what "my personal style" is... because I've never been able to wear it, or look for it, or hone it.
When I go clothes shopping... there are only a limited number of stores that carry my size. Where I live right now, there's The Avenue and Sears and that's it. Target has an exceptionally limited Plus Size section. So here's how clothes shopping works for me... I go to the mall, I go into The Avenue, and I desperately try to find a top that I can live with. Not that I like. They don't have anything I like. Everything looks like it belongs on a 65 year old grandma. Glittery fronts. Brocaded necklines. They don't even make plain t-shirts or long sleeved knit shirts. Everything's got gaudy crap all over it and looks tackier than hell.
I can't find jeans that fit me. The Tall are too long, the Average are too short. When jeans fit my huge waist... they sag in my ass and thighs... and end up making my not-so-bad legs look fatter than they are. If they fit my legs and ass, there's no way in hell I'll even be able to button them. And now, all the jeans are made to ride lower than they used to - belly button height or lower. Do designers have no idea how disgusting it is to see a woman's roll of fat sagging over her jeans? It's not pleasing on the eye, whether it's in style or not.
So shopping is a special mental soul-wrenching torture for me. I dread it. Which is probably why all my clothes have holes... I just didn't want to go through the replacement process. I ended up with two pairs of jeans and three or four tops. I'll have to try them on again at home and see if they're still okay. At the store, I got so fed up that I quit giving a shit.
It's actually been more incentive for me to lose the weight. I was trying to decide what I'd wear if I had a somewhat decent body. Straight-leg jeans would finally fit... and fit well instead of having legs that are hugely baggy. I could finally wear cute girl t-shirts that were form fitting, instead of baggy XXL men's t-shirts. I wouldn't worry about how my sagging belly in jeans makes it look like I have a fat ass where I should have a hooha.
Maybe for the first time in my life, I'd wear sleeveless shirts... and be able to show off the big, stunning tattoo I have on my upper arm. You wouldn't catch me dead in a sleeveless shirt right now... with my stretchmarks shining proudly and the fat of my underarm waggling back and forth.
Did I mention how much I hate clothes shopping?
I had to go buy some new clothes yesterday. Many of my shirts and jeans are just old and starting to have holes wore in them... they're no longer really appropriate for work. So I headed to the mall.
I've never enjoyed clothes shopping. Since I was young, it has been a very unpleasant experience. And yesterday was no exception. I came to a realization that I've probably thought of before, but then ignored because it's hard to accept:
I've never actually dressed the way I'd like to. Never been able to express my personal style.
Why? Because either they don't make clothes I'd like in my size... or if they do, they don't look good on fat women and so they shouldn't make them in my size. I don't even know what "my personal style" is... because I've never been able to wear it, or look for it, or hone it.
When I go clothes shopping... there are only a limited number of stores that carry my size. Where I live right now, there's The Avenue and Sears and that's it. Target has an exceptionally limited Plus Size section. So here's how clothes shopping works for me... I go to the mall, I go into The Avenue, and I desperately try to find a top that I can live with. Not that I like. They don't have anything I like. Everything looks like it belongs on a 65 year old grandma. Glittery fronts. Brocaded necklines. They don't even make plain t-shirts or long sleeved knit shirts. Everything's got gaudy crap all over it and looks tackier than hell.
I can't find jeans that fit me. The Tall are too long, the Average are too short. When jeans fit my huge waist... they sag in my ass and thighs... and end up making my not-so-bad legs look fatter than they are. If they fit my legs and ass, there's no way in hell I'll even be able to button them. And now, all the jeans are made to ride lower than they used to - belly button height or lower. Do designers have no idea how disgusting it is to see a woman's roll of fat sagging over her jeans? It's not pleasing on the eye, whether it's in style or not.
So shopping is a special mental soul-wrenching torture for me. I dread it. Which is probably why all my clothes have holes... I just didn't want to go through the replacement process. I ended up with two pairs of jeans and three or four tops. I'll have to try them on again at home and see if they're still okay. At the store, I got so fed up that I quit giving a shit.
It's actually been more incentive for me to lose the weight. I was trying to decide what I'd wear if I had a somewhat decent body. Straight-leg jeans would finally fit... and fit well instead of having legs that are hugely baggy. I could finally wear cute girl t-shirts that were form fitting, instead of baggy XXL men's t-shirts. I wouldn't worry about how my sagging belly in jeans makes it look like I have a fat ass where I should have a hooha.
Maybe for the first time in my life, I'd wear sleeveless shirts... and be able to show off the big, stunning tattoo I have on my upper arm. You wouldn't catch me dead in a sleeveless shirt right now... with my stretchmarks shining proudly and the fat of my underarm waggling back and forth.
Did I mention how much I hate clothes shopping?
I felt wise about my choices in diet today. I came in under my goal again of staying under 50g of carbs, and you can see from my header text that I've lost 4.2 pounds in 4 days! That's just cutting the carbs and exercising.
But I spoke with my brother today about dinner tomorrow night. He and his girlfriend are coming over for burgers. That's no problem - high in protein, low in carbs. I'll eat mine with a fork, no bun. That doesn't bother me at all - it's how I usually eat them, dieting or not. And we have a lot of salad fixings, so I figured we'd do burgers and salads. However, my younger brother (who isn't aware of my recent health kick) wondered if he could bring over an onion so we could use our deep fryer to make some onion rings.
I had two choices: I could tell him that I was watching what I eat and wouldn't have any, but that he was welcome to do it. In which case I know he would say, "No no no! We don't need them! Let's do salad!" He's a good man like that. But I know for a fact he's been craving some really good onion rings lately, as we've discussed how good (or bad) different restaurants' are. So I really didn't want to deny him this, or make him feel bad, which brought me to the second option. I figured we could make the onion rings, and I could either eat none, or a few. Either choice I select, it will be wise. I won't make myself feel bad for having 2 or 3. And I will include them in my carb in take. I would, however, make myself feel bad if I ate more than five. So I will be wise, have few, and fill up on burgers and salad. This decision has been enforced even more by tonight's events.
It was only by coincidence tonight that I flipped to the Discovery Health channel. There was a show on called "The 627 lb Woman". I didn't know if I could watch it or not... but I decided to. It was as depressing as I assumed it would be. The woman was a prisoner in her own life. Her stomach was so large, it hung down to her knees, and had a large gathering of fat cells that they thought was a hernia at first, then realized it was all fat. She couldn't sit up long at all, only a few seconds at a time, and had all her meals whilst laying sideways (the only way she can lay) on her bed. Her life was pointless, really, as she couldn't leave her apartment.
I thought to myself, "Wow. How does anyone let themselves get that big?"
Followed immediately by this thought: "I bet people look at me and say the same thing."
I'm afraid of the 300 pound mark, and I've come far too close to it - in fact, I've been 5 pounds away.
My doctor recommended gastric bypass surgery for me last year, due to my weight and the diabetes. I'm afraid to get it. I was then, but I actually decided to do it - my insurance at the time would have covered it. Then I quit that job, and had no health insurance. That idea was out. I'm back to being afraid of it. All surgeries are risky, and I just can't justify taking that risk when I know I haven't tried as hard as I can to lose the weight myself. I'm not physically disabled in any way except that I'm out of shape. There is no excuse.
Following that program was "National Body Challenge", where they took people that are more around my size, all about 100 pounds overweight, and have them going to scheduled work outs, but then their eating is in their own hands. It was kind of funny watching most of them struggle with diet changes. Only one of them was diagnosed with diabetes. Struggling to diet for weight loss is hard... struggling to diet so you don't kill yourself is a whole other thing.
That in itself should be scary enough to make one change... and yet, I've had a hard time for the last 10 years. It's really been weighing on my mind a lot lately - the effects that 10 years of negligence might have done to my organs. And how will it affect me if I decide to have children in the near future? It could be deadly... to both me and the baby. That, too, is scary.
So I did a second set of exercises whilst watching the Body Challenge program. I also got online to see if Bed, Bath & Beyond sold The Step (I have a gift card for the store). Unfortunately, they don't. But then I realized - I have stairs in my house! I don't need to spend $40 on some plastic. I'd like to, so I could do it in front of the TV, but for now, my staircase will do! So I'll add that to my exercise regimen so I can get some aerobic exercise in. I can't really get myself to go out walking... and what I'm doing at home is weights and toning. It doesn't get the heart rate up much. Doing the steps most definitely will. If I simply ran up and down my one story of steps twice, I'd be completely out of breath and panting (hence the need for some aerobic exercising too!)
I'm really glad I saw these programs, though. They just gave me another kick in the ass - a little more drive.
But I spoke with my brother today about dinner tomorrow night. He and his girlfriend are coming over for burgers. That's no problem - high in protein, low in carbs. I'll eat mine with a fork, no bun. That doesn't bother me at all - it's how I usually eat them, dieting or not. And we have a lot of salad fixings, so I figured we'd do burgers and salads. However, my younger brother (who isn't aware of my recent health kick) wondered if he could bring over an onion so we could use our deep fryer to make some onion rings.
I had two choices: I could tell him that I was watching what I eat and wouldn't have any, but that he was welcome to do it. In which case I know he would say, "No no no! We don't need them! Let's do salad!" He's a good man like that. But I know for a fact he's been craving some really good onion rings lately, as we've discussed how good (or bad) different restaurants' are. So I really didn't want to deny him this, or make him feel bad, which brought me to the second option. I figured we could make the onion rings, and I could either eat none, or a few. Either choice I select, it will be wise. I won't make myself feel bad for having 2 or 3. And I will include them in my carb in take. I would, however, make myself feel bad if I ate more than five. So I will be wise, have few, and fill up on burgers and salad. This decision has been enforced even more by tonight's events.
It was only by coincidence tonight that I flipped to the Discovery Health channel. There was a show on called "The 627 lb Woman". I didn't know if I could watch it or not... but I decided to. It was as depressing as I assumed it would be. The woman was a prisoner in her own life. Her stomach was so large, it hung down to her knees, and had a large gathering of fat cells that they thought was a hernia at first, then realized it was all fat. She couldn't sit up long at all, only a few seconds at a time, and had all her meals whilst laying sideways (the only way she can lay) on her bed. Her life was pointless, really, as she couldn't leave her apartment.
I thought to myself, "Wow. How does anyone let themselves get that big?"
Followed immediately by this thought: "I bet people look at me and say the same thing."
I'm afraid of the 300 pound mark, and I've come far too close to it - in fact, I've been 5 pounds away.
My doctor recommended gastric bypass surgery for me last year, due to my weight and the diabetes. I'm afraid to get it. I was then, but I actually decided to do it - my insurance at the time would have covered it. Then I quit that job, and had no health insurance. That idea was out. I'm back to being afraid of it. All surgeries are risky, and I just can't justify taking that risk when I know I haven't tried as hard as I can to lose the weight myself. I'm not physically disabled in any way except that I'm out of shape. There is no excuse.
Following that program was "National Body Challenge", where they took people that are more around my size, all about 100 pounds overweight, and have them going to scheduled work outs, but then their eating is in their own hands. It was kind of funny watching most of them struggle with diet changes. Only one of them was diagnosed with diabetes. Struggling to diet for weight loss is hard... struggling to diet so you don't kill yourself is a whole other thing.
That in itself should be scary enough to make one change... and yet, I've had a hard time for the last 10 years. It's really been weighing on my mind a lot lately - the effects that 10 years of negligence might have done to my organs. And how will it affect me if I decide to have children in the near future? It could be deadly... to both me and the baby. That, too, is scary.
So I did a second set of exercises whilst watching the Body Challenge program. I also got online to see if Bed, Bath & Beyond sold The Step (I have a gift card for the store). Unfortunately, they don't. But then I realized - I have stairs in my house! I don't need to spend $40 on some plastic. I'd like to, so I could do it in front of the TV, but for now, my staircase will do! So I'll add that to my exercise regimen so I can get some aerobic exercise in. I can't really get myself to go out walking... and what I'm doing at home is weights and toning. It doesn't get the heart rate up much. Doing the steps most definitely will. If I simply ran up and down my one story of steps twice, I'd be completely out of breath and panting (hence the need for some aerobic exercising too!)
I'm really glad I saw these programs, though. They just gave me another kick in the ass - a little more drive.
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